Can We?

Can we? Do we? 

Live a life of cold resistance?

Can we neglect to love?

Do we need to forgive?

Do we want forgiveness?

Will we swallow pride?

Will we ever learn to love unconditionally?

To accept forgiveness is to admit fault

Yet if we refuse to accept

We fail to give another the basic right of humility

To be able to forgive with passion and genuine love

Is to live in Christ’s shadow

When we forgive we must forget

Without permanent lapse of memory

Forgiveness means less than nothing

If Christ could forgive his many oppressors

Who are we to harbour malice

Against those who need to be loved

Hatred erodes our light, casting us into an abyss

Of inky darkness…forever…

Heaven blessed me...

And I was grateful...

Then...

Finally...

God's arms scooped up

That which remained...

Of me...

Love's Insanity

I am at times told that I must know a lot about love, but all I really know is that love comes to those who wait. I am floundering around in the dark like everyone else trying to find my rightful place, however I have learned a few important lessons on my personal journey about  the insanity that love can create.

When we love we need to like the person we think is our ideal mate and that is where patience comes into play. The person you love may also be the person you don’t like; if that sounds confusing…it is!

There should be no power play and not a hint of a lie. There must also be a deep connection of mind before there is a connection of bodies.  The question is; are we strong enough to wait? Usually not, that is a fact and the common denominator that can lead us either to a place of darkness and regret or absolute heaven...a little ‘getting to know you' time would give clear indication of the conflict reasoning that makes warning signs  prominent.

I have a deep faith in God; this comes from a place of trauma and loss, a place of loneliness and despair. I came to a point in my life where God was/is my only hope of peace, he is my nurturer on the long path back to what became obsolete...steadiness of thought.

People are so quick to label others with negative judgement and that of course includes me, but I know it is not my place. However, prudence with a watchful eye is needed to live your life with the kind of responsible thought that should be attached to decision-making; this in turn can foster a feeling of dignity. We as humans are meant to enjoy our lives and we can do this by making good choices; it is what sets us apart from the apes. (Not forgetting table manners and accessorising)

A keen sense of observation helps to keep us on the journey of discovery, by doing this we find the key to wisdom. We are frail and if we can learn from our mistakes and from the mistakes of others we have done very well.

My world fell apart with the sudden death of my husband and I came to know hatred and despair first hand; I knew there had to be a turning point or I would go under. Through the kindness of family and friends and a boost from those little miracle pills that feed half the Western world (anti-depressants) I became at least half a person again, able to think for myself...and able to take full charge of my life.

Today I am able to laugh and be in the company of others again. 

Contrary to some train of thought God does not put us in a position that will cause dilemma, we put ourselves there by being doormats. If trauma occurs we need to do what is difficult and that is to try to be astute and discerning, we know this feeling, it comes from the soul and the gut...it tells us to slow down;
... do we listen? NO!

We plunge in head first and crack our skulls in the process.

Love in its true form brings forth only good feelings of joy and lasting happiness, not trauma or the notion of low self-esteem. We recognise love by its cornerstone...happiness...if the joy in love is not present then we need to re-think our situation. Let us try to be discerning at a time when we are absorbed and smitten by the love/lust emotion...thereby allowing ourselves room to think on a safe level of true understanding that can halt indecision and clearly establish reality.

Where I Belong

For my Husband...Allan

My heart...ever tattered

Misses you

My Soul...still in tact

Trusts my Lord

To lift me gently...as he did with you

And place me where I belong

Back in your arms

Safe...cared about and loved unconditionally

I look to the Sunshine and my hope is restored
And ignore the dark clouds 

That try to keep me bound

To nothing in particular

All that was beautiful in my dreams

No longer exists

There is no joy where there is no you

I don't wonder if you're happy

Because I know you are

My need to tell you of my life since you...

Is strong and ever present

In a mind that is half full of disappointment

And half void due to my will

I know...

I am aware...

That I live because I have to

And love because I need to

Emptiness unseen...

Trauma not noticed...

Yet love for you is constantly refreshed

These thoughts arise from a living soul

That whispers daily to my dying heart...

Be still...all will be well.

Song of Life

So painful to consider the past

Though memories drift above my head

Giant eagles of hope and love

Wave goodbye in unison blue

The sweetest melancholy

Brings my heart to skipping

And the strongest yearning

Keeps it grounded in dew

Where is your song of life

To help me breathe?

Anger, sadness and happiness

Dance around me

As if they could make a difference

To lonely

Stillness/Serenity

It is the still of night

That takes us to places loved

Calm, peaceful places only dreamed

Can we afford not to visit

The beauty of love at peace?

It is the serenity of prayer

That leads us to a higher plane

One of tranquility and love offered

Where we gather with celestial splendor

And see ourselves clearly in the face of God

Where then does the soul receive sustenance?

Is it the still of night

Or the serenity of prayer?

The combination of these two

Is where the tranquil breezes wave the wheat

And cover the heart with comfort

That longed for comfort…

The Olive Grove

Love falls beneath the black moon

Severing ties once so richly made

The night sky is starless once again

And as the inky clouds give birth to a stunning dawn

No pleasure will she find through heavy eyelids

He does not know that love was complete

And as she remembers him

She understands the captivation

That led her...alone...to the olive grove

She breaks a branch of comfort there

Hoping to find a resting place with him

Anywhere in time~

Yet...what comes to mind?

Loving does not hold a record of wrongs

If it is pure as was said so often

Her entire life has been lived for this moment...

A time of reconciliation with her soul

And deep examination of conscience

Came to life in the olive grove today...

She had been made redundant

She had made him redundant

That should have been the end of their perfect day

But love has a mind of its own

Meandering softly through the blindness of abhorrence

Leaving messages of hope

Creating wishful thinking of renewal

There is a place in all hearts for true love

Recognising it is not difficult

Making a home for it is easy

But trying to maintain the momentum

We wind up with a deadlock of false/stubborn pride...

It is not God who creates the cesspools of life

They are man made by those who should know better...

The Moon In Small Doses

Strong is the bird on the wire
Pointed shards of sunlight pierce
Yet wings do not ruffle...he is quiet
So little this creature...
A left over product of creation's new earth

He does not sing his usual song of gladness
But watches below for signs of change
He waits for starlight, not too bright
Though harrowing be the lack of heat
On bodies small...
Will he fall before night does?

Will the moon soothe in small doses?
Will the street lamp suffice if it does not?
Will the cold air induce a shiver?
Even now he looks for cover...

Where is my mate, my beloved mate
He lingers on thoughts of death awhile
And remembers the horror of loss
As through eyes near closed
He is still mindful of shared space

On the wire...

Strong is the bird on the wire
Pointed shards of sunlight pierce
Yet wings do not ruffle...he is quiet
So little this creature...

A left over product of creation's new earth

So strong is the bird on a wire

Water of life

Falling into my ever-deepening abyss

I can not see clearly

The little faces that launched my heart

Into the heavens

The place that is finally taking hold of remnants

Left in the shallows by grace

My eyes fill with the water of life...salty...pure

And as the sun rises over my horizon

I see no light, no gateway of freedom

Only the chains that bind my soul to theirs...

Tight and restraining they reel me in

Through the eye of a burning needle

God in his ultimate wisdom knows my struggle

He sees a heart breaking for no reason

And he is angry...but I'm not sure with whom...

My mind...so filled with endearment...is cloudy

Letting go is my testament

To all I ever held dear

No more will I run outside of my cocoon

I will instead embrace the warmth it offers

Where thoughts of you are still fresh...clean

And I can dream the light with abandon...

Surrendering to cold reality

It is too difficult to love

Too painful to be under its influence

Merciless hatred

That threatens to chew me up

Spit me out and leave me weeping

Has arrived...

Lord! What fools these mortals be...

(Playing with a line from Shakespeare's...'A Midsummer Night's Dream’)

Heat a flame from loins prepared

Boldly she admits she cared

But suffer for their truth they must…

In purple haze of light and trust…

One fine day they’ll no doubt see

What utter fools these mortals be…

His sweet words and sighs come sailing

On orange blossom breezes wailing

A marriage destined in the lair

They offer the exact same prayer

For God in all his power and might

To cleanse this union’s sorry plight

Self-control no longer free

Lord what fools these mortals be…

The black of night awaits each day

As depth of love survives the fray

No discomfort between them now

God’s imprint steady on her brow

Each in solitary greed

Libidos whisper want and need…

The cold will cast no burdens thought

As in their hollow web they’re caught

All the while their life’s ambition

The boudoir closeness, their condition

Love becomes a huge production

Open mouth‘s in clear seduction…

She speaks his name with joyous tone

Sits by her window thinking...alone

Allowing the zephyr to soothe her limbs

So much heat…she remembers him

The tide in waves still comes and goes

Their love a raging river flows

And should a granted wish be free?

Oh Lord what fools these mortals be…